Mission Accomplished

A long, long time ago; I can still remember…

10 December 2008. 5 years, 1 month and 19 days ago I first set foot in KAF.  Tomorrow, on 30 January 2014, I’m leaving it for the last time. A lot of people might expect this to be a bittersweet moment but a lot of people are idiots. Sure, the job’s been fun, exciting, and rewarding. I got to work with some great people and I sure learned a lot. But the job’s also been dull, stressful, and frustrating. I got to work with some people who were a pain in the ass and I learned shit about other cultures I wish I could unknow. And, most damningly, it’s been 5 years of working in fucking KAF with its overabundance of stench, heat, crappy food, boredom and NATO goddamn stupid-ass bureaucracy…and, of course, the seemingly ever present poo. That’s enough of that.

I figured I’d wrap up the 2 1/2 year history of Just DFACs Ma’am with some history, some explanations, some thanks, and a little summary of what it’s all meant.

Final Countdown

Just another drive to the office.

I’m thinking this will be my second last blog post on Just DFACs Maam. There’s not really that much more that can be said about the food and life here, anyway, but I’ll yammer on about it this one last time. My final post will more of a summary along with some general musings on my time here and what it all meant (or didn’t mean)

I know, with only 6 days left to go, some may be thinking “Gee, I wonder if he’s regretting giving his notice”. Well, no. No, I’m not. Sure, I get to see some cool shit on my commute but the asininity of KAF has continued apace and I have to get out of here before I begin thinking any of this is normal. To wit:

The Beginning of the End

Almost There

I got back into KAF for my final roto four days ago. At only 16 days long, you’d think this one would fly by but the delicious prospect of soon being a hobo has slowed subjective time to a crawl. Luckily, I have the crafting of this pointless compendium of KAF ridiculousness to help pass the time so read on as I tell you about KAF goings-on as if I still give a fuck.

Lies, Damn Lies, and DFAC Menus

Another KAF-tastic week under my belt; just six more days til I go on leave. My mood has begun fluctuating wildly between bemusement, disgust, elation, confusion and disgust. Not an uncommon occurrence for any long-in-the-tooth KAF-ite as the end of a roto nears. On the bright side, M has released a new improved version of the DFACOmatic but then there’s all that stuff on the other side. But first, how about some Zeppelin?

Good Times, Bad Times

Misanthropy 101

People just mess stuff up. I mean, sure, Afghanistan is too fucking dusty and too fucking hot but it really wouldn’t be that bad if the people weren’t always oppressing, raping and shooting each other and blowing everything up.

As a UN peacekeeper in southern (now South) Sudan many moons ago, I found the bush and climate to both be pretty decent…the people, not so much. That was the first place I found out that neither feces nor spousal abuse are considered disgusting in every culture.

Now, in the microcosm that is Kandahar Airfield, the same general rule applies. People ruin everything.

Oh, and I’ve thrown in some random food pictures that have nothing to do with the main text because pilots sometimes “read” this blog.

The Drudgery Report

Another week down with lots of time to kill. Everyday is pretty much the same. I spend them eating, sleeping, and playing Call of Duty working. I also spent a lot of time reading the internet. In fact, I finished it yesterday. It was okay.

Anyway, now that I’m done that I have time to write a post about the tedium that was life this past week. You don’t wanna read about that shit? Too bad.

Life in the KAF Lane

I think it says something about a place when pretty much everyone there considers monotony a good thing. In KAF, every bloody day is pretty much the same and that’s ok because anything out of the ordinary around here usually just means things get shittier. So, yeah, the overwhelming boredom is starting to grate as I reach the mid-point of this roto but that’s better than the alternative. Thank Zeus for all the idiocy that goes on in this place…at least it gives me something to write about and this week had its share.

That’s a First

It’s only a matter of time.

I drive a shitty-ass, third world quality Toyota Prado here. Sure, the radio is overwhelmed by static if you turn on the rear defogger, there are no airbags and, even in 4 wheel drive, it lacks the power to drive out of 3 inches of gravel but I always consoled myself with the fact that the wheels didn’t fall off like they do the shitty-ass, third world quality Toyota Surfs so many people drive around here. Now, however, I’m concerned. A and I spotted our first Prado with a broken wheel-holdy-doodad. Uh-oh.

Piglet and Poo(h)

If you’re eagerly anticipating a heartwarming tale from the the Hundred Acre Wood, you’ve been horribly misled. You see, I’m almost two weeks into this roto and they say “Time flies when you’re having fun”. Well, I wouldn’t know. They also say “Patience is a virtue”. They are fucking idiots. But, hey! Look at this picture of helicopters:

Yeah, cool or whatever.

The End of the World as We Know It

Just had the last supper of this rotation and I’m more than ready to head off for leave tomorrow. I am, however, pretty concerned about what I might come back after 4 weeks. There’s a lot of changes goin’ on around here. But first, let’s all oooh and ahh at my ’69 Beaumont that is fresh outta the body/paint shop:

I do great work when I’m not around.

Movie Night

It’s been a while since I’ve posted so I’ve got a week’s worth of vitally important KAF commentary to pass along. I’ll be covering topics as diverse as Scottish tourism, our new breakfast DFAC, how to use Excel like you’re not an idiot, weight loss tips and more! Perhaps most exciting is the premiere of a new video demonstrating irrational spoon usage. But first, here’s what an end rotation party looks like in KAF. Sure, the beer was non-alcoholic but we had BBQ’d lobster tails and you didn’t.

The fun never ends in our little desert paradise.