The Beginning of the End

Almost There

I got back into KAF for my final roto four days ago. At only 16 days long, you’d think this one would fly by but the delicious prospect of soon being a hobo has slowed subjective time to a crawl. Luckily, I have the crafting of this pointless compendium of KAF ridiculousness to help pass the time so read on as I tell you about KAF goings-on as if I still give a fuck.

Lies, Damn Lies, and DFAC Menus

Another KAF-tastic week under my belt; just six more days til I go on leave. My mood has begun fluctuating wildly between bemusement, disgust, elation, confusion and disgust. Not an uncommon occurrence for any long-in-the-tooth KAF-ite as the end of a roto nears. On the bright side, M has released a new improved version of the DFACOmatic but then there’s all that stuff on the other side. But first, how about some Zeppelin?

Good Times, Bad Times

The End of the World as We Know It

Just had the last supper of this rotation and I’m more than ready to head off for leave tomorrow. I am, however, pretty concerned about what I might come back after 4 weeks. There’s a lot of changes goin’ on around here. But first, let’s all oooh and ahh at my ’69 Beaumont that is fresh outta the body/paint shop:

I do great work when I’m not around.

Focus On Food

Ha Ha Ha. I fucking hate you.

This is, ostensibly, a blog about KAF food so, today, I’m going to try to concentrate on the comestibles with only brief forays into other shit that amused me; an emotion which, after more than 4 years in KAF, is becoming indistinguishable from being pissed off. Like, sure, it’s kinda funny to see yet another Frus…but don’t you want to go to the factory and punch Decal-Guy in the face?

Let Me Tell You Something…

Here’s a short compendium of shit I found amusing, irritating or perplexing over the past week or so.

Orts

Here’s a quick post as a I work on a rather lengthy sequel to my Montenegrin epic.

"But...I'm thirsty".

Yeah, I ate it.

M:”Put down a layer of oatmeal and spoon a can of coconut cream over it and I guess you’ve got yourself a pie”
Me (poutily): “No, no you don’t. I thought it was fucking graham cracker crust…I love graham cracker crust”.
M:“I made mine into the shape of a piece of pie…it tastes better that way”.
Me (grudgingly):“It tastes pretty good actually…but it’s still not fucking right”.

Open Letter to Guy Using the Toaster at Cambridge this Morning

Dear Guy Using the Toaster at Cambridge this Morning,

Do you mind if I call you Asshat? No? Good. Well, Asshat, those toasters are designed to handle a pretty significant throughput of bread. The idea is that once your bread is loaded into it, others (most importantly, me) can then put their bread into it. If you put your bread into it then stand directly in front of the thing with your crotch pressed up against the tray shelf, no one else can put their fucking bread in. Then we all have to wait for your bread to be done, watch you take it out zombie-slow, drop your butter packet on the floor, bend down to pick it up like you’re in an action scene from Kung Fu, and chat to your fucking idiot friend about how clumsy you are before you finally get the fuck out of the way.

Maybe when that polite Canadian contractor said “excuse me” you could have stood back. Failing that, you could have taken the hint as he tried to reach past you with bread in hand. Instead, you stood there with that stupid ass, oblivious, newbie smile on your stupid ass face making stupid ass small talk with your stupid ass friend. Stupid ass.

Regards,

Kafoodie

“Good Job, DFAC!”

As I supped on the Cambridge DFAC’s nicely spicy but typically starchy “Chilli Mac” (sic), decent fries and fresh tomatoes, I glanced over at my co-worker’s face as he sampled the fried sliced potatoes he had opted for. His grimace was telling but not quite so telling as his “holy fuck these are dry” comment. I realized that, although I had lucked out on my food choice tonight, I have often found myself envying the choices of my table mates.

I know…after 2 1/2 years in KAF I should know the DFAC menus inside out. I should be able to pick the winners and avoid the losers. But I live in hope and find myself ordering the grilled chicken breast thinking “oh, this time it won’t be like rubber” only to be disappointed yet again.

I realized that I needed to keep a written record of what’s good (eg. tacos at the Niagara) and what’s bad (eg. eggplant casserole anywhere) to remind myself of lessons learned. If I’m going to write it down, I thought I may as well share it with the other denizens of KAF so they too can learn from my mistakes. Hence this blog.

I’ll be concentrating primarily on the DFACS. I’ll make sure I eat at and comment on all of them but you’ll soon see a bias towards the best ones. I’m not going to sacrifice myself on the altar of balance; I’ve probably got 2 more years here.

Of course, no KAF food blog would be complete without at least a nod toward the commercial establishments on the boardwalk and around the base. Every once in a while I’ll feature one of these places as well.  These should be fun. Who can forget the time Burger King had no burgers, Green Beans had no coffee and the ice cream place had no ice cream? Ahh…good times.

We’re in a war zone so I have to keep things in perspective. If I enter a DFAC hungry and exit it not hungry, I think “Good job, DFAC”. It’s pretty amazing the number of people they feed everyday and under KAF conditions they actually do a really good job. But there’s always room for improvement and some of the food is great fodder for smart ass commentary. I hope I can provide some laughs and good dining advice to my fellow KAF gourmands and, perhaps, some insight into the adventure that is KAF dining for those fortunate enough to have never been here.

KAFoodie