I got back into KAF for my final roto four days ago. At only 16 days long, you’d think this one would fly by but the delicious prospect of soon being a hobo has slowed subjective time to a crawl. Luckily, I have the crafting of this pointless compendium of KAF ridiculousness to help pass the time so read on as I tell you about KAF goings-on as if I still give a fuck. Continue reading
Category Archives: Monti
Lies, Damn Lies, and DFAC Menus
Another KAF-tastic week under my belt; just six more days til I go on leave. My mood has begun fluctuating wildly between bemusement, disgust, elation, confusion and disgust. Not an uncommon occurrence for any long-in-the-tooth KAF-ite as the end of a roto nears. On the bright side, M has released a new improved version of the DFACOmatic but then there’s all that stuff on the other side. But first, how about some Zeppelin?
People just mess stuff up. I mean, sure, Afghanistan is too fucking dusty and too fucking hot but it really wouldn’t be that bad if the people weren’t always oppressing, raping and shooting each other and blowing everything up.
As a UN peacekeeper in southern (now South) Sudan many moons ago, I found the bush and climate to both be pretty decent…the people, not so much. That was the first place I found out that neither feces nor spousal abuse are considered disgusting in every culture.
Now, in the microcosm that is Kandahar Airfield, the same general rule applies. People ruin everything.
Oh, and I’ve thrown in some random food pictures that have nothing to do with the main text because pilots sometimes “read” this blog.
The Drudgery Report
Another week down with lots of time to kill. Everyday is pretty much the same. I spend them eating, sleeping, and
playing Call of Duty working. I also spent a lot of time reading the internet. In fact, I finished it yesterday. It was okay.
Anyway, now that I’m done that I have time to write a post about the tedium that was life this past week. You don’t wanna read about that shit? Too bad. Continue reading
Life in the KAF Lane
I think it says something about a place when pretty much everyone there considers monotony a good thing. In KAF, every bloody day is pretty much the same and that’s ok because anything out of the ordinary around here usually just means things get shittier. So, yeah, the overwhelming boredom is starting to grate as I reach the mid-point of this roto but that’s better than the alternative. Thank Zeus for all the idiocy that goes on in this place…at least it gives me something to write about and this week had its share.
That’s a First
I drive a shitty-ass, third world quality Toyota Prado here. Sure, the radio is overwhelmed by static if you turn on the rear defogger, there are no airbags and, even in 4 wheel drive, it lacks the power to drive out of 3 inches of gravel but I always consoled myself with the fact that the wheels didn’t fall off like they do the shitty-ass, third world quality Toyota Surfs so many people drive around here. Now, however, I’m concerned. A and I spotted our first Prado with a broken wheel-holdy-doodad. Uh-oh. Continue reading
I Am Not An Animal!
All of one’s normal standards of behaviour, language, food quality, cleanliness and humour along with everything else that differentiates us from our poo-flinging primate cousins take a dive within a few days of one’s first arrival in KAF. Sure, we manage to crawl up out of the sewer and feign at least of modicum of civility when we get back to the real world on leave…but this place drags you right back down again.
In that vein, along with the usual culinary bouquets and brickbats, you’ll get to read some KAF-funny jokes, inappropriate details about digestion, and some of the little things that seem so KAF-good but really just don’t suck as much as they could. Pretty exciting, huh?
But first…how would you like to open your door and find this?
Piglet and Poo(h)
If you’re eagerly anticipating a heartwarming tale from the the Hundred Acre Wood, you’ve been horribly misled. You see, I’m almost two weeks into this roto and they say “Time flies when you’re having fun”. Well, I wouldn’t know. They also say “Patience is a virtue”. They are fucking idiots. But, hey! Look at this picture of helicopters:
The End of the World as We Know It
Just had the last supper of this rotation and I’m more than ready to head off for leave tomorrow. I am, however, pretty concerned about what I might come back after 4 weeks. There’s a lot of changes goin’ on around here. But first, let’s all oooh and ahh at my ’69 Beaumont that is fresh outta the body/paint shop:
It’s been a while since I’ve posted so I’ve got a week’s worth of vitally important KAF commentary to pass along. I’ll be covering topics as diverse as Scottish tourism, our new breakfast DFAC, how to use Excel like you’re not an idiot, weight loss tips and more! Perhaps most exciting is the premiere of a new video demonstrating irrational spoon usage. But first, here’s what an end rotation party looks like in KAF. Sure, the beer was non-alcoholic but we had BBQ’d lobster tails and you didn’t.
KAF is indeed a wonderland…in the sense that it makes you wonder about stuff that normally wouldn’t come to mind in the real world. So, in with the usual inane anecdotes and pointless fooducation, I’ll sprinkle some of the stuff one wonders about only if they’re here. But first, here’s some guys with a bitch of a commute: