Vittle Statistics

49C. That’s just stupid and the first person to say “But it’s a dry heat” gets a kick in the head. Seriously, as humans migrated out of the great rift valley and spread across the earth, how did anyone end up living here? Where the hell were they before that was so bad they got to this shithole and thought “Oooh, this is just lovely! So much nicer than the place we just left. Let’s stay!”

Anyway, lots of KAF news and food bitches to get caught up on but first, of course, our latest messed up Toyota.

I find these delightful.

Here For a Not Too Bad Time, Not a Long Time

Been a while since I wrote a post, eh? Well, I got back into KAF about a week and 1/2 ago after 5 weeks off and I’ve been much too busy counting down the time to my next leave to write anything. You see, this rotation is only 5 weeks and 4 days as we re-align our work schedules after some not so useful yet mandatory training in Dubai messed it up. Now that I’ve got my shaves scheduled and the countdown spreadsheet updated, I’m ready to write some shit. So let’s do this:

But Who’s Counting

Outta here for 5 weeks of leave in about 17 hours. I guess this is my last chance to enlighten ya’ll about KAF life for a while. So, here goes:

Focus On Food

Ha Ha Ha. I fucking hate you.

This is, ostensibly, a blog about KAF food so, today, I’m going to try to concentrate on the comestibles with only brief forays into other shit that amused me; an emotion which, after more than 4 years in KAF, is becoming indistinguishable from being pissed off. Like, sure, it’s kinda funny to see yet another Frus…but don’t you want to go to the factory and punch Decal-Guy in the face?

Pointless Prattle

Oh, great…

Six weeks into an unusually long nine week rotation that has presented nothing much of interest. Consequently, all I’ve got for this shitty little blog are some random comments on the flotsam and jetsam of KAF life over the last couple of weeks. It’s pretty pathetic that the highlight of my week was a dust storm. Kinda cool the way it just sorta hangs in the air though.

Oops They Did It Again

Yay! Easter Santa!

I fucking love Easter in KAF! Some of you may remember last year’s awesomely incomprehensible displays. And this year, while more subdued, the random conflation of holidays continued.

Meh Friday

So Christians call this “Good Friday”. I don’t get that. In their story, didn’t Christ get crucified today? I’m pretty sure he didn’t muse “This is gonna be a good day!”  as some Roman nailed his fucking hands to a cross. Sure, living in KAF ain’t exactly like being crucified but “good” is too strong an adjective for almost any day in this shithole. Most days just wash over you in a blur of meh-ness. How can a blog about that kind of glamourous life not be awesome?

Dietary Supplement

mmm…Garbage Smoke

So my new healthy lifestyle really hasn’t kicked in yet. Turns out I kinda hate healthy lifestyles. But first, what better way to whet your appetite than some garbage smoke from the KAF incinerator. Now that poo pond is winding down, it’s comforting to know there is still this pervasive pollutant in the air.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

I’m still outta shape, still talk about getting into shape and still hate everything associated with exercise. So, rather than being at the gym, I’m sitting in front of my computer, writing about my good intentions and some other unrelated stuff. How many calories/hour does blathering burn?

I Forgot to Mention…

I know, I know, I haven’t updated ya’ll on the KAF dining situation in almost 2 months. I trust you managed to get yourselves fed in the interim. While I’ve been back here for approximately 11 days, 8 hours, 5 minutes and 42 seconds, I’m only now getting over my jet lag and apathy enough to get back to my journalistic duties.