A Birthday Present and a Love Story

Here I am over in KAF for yet another one of my wife’s birthdays. I’ve also spent several of our anniversaries over here. That part of this job really sucks. Usually, I do the regular guy thing and order her flowers to mark these special occasions. Joanie likes flowers and seems quite chuffed when she gets a dozen red roses. I just don’t think, however, that flowers sufficiently convey how I feel about her.

I’m not a very emotional guy. Hell, I scored a 26 on this empathy test, well below the normal range. When Joanie’s father died recently, she described my efforts to comfort her as Sheldon-esque, although I did not offer her a hot beverage. I think it’s about time I upped my game.

I racked my brain trying to come up with a gift that would say the things I don’t say enough. I decided that writing a post about her would be just the thing. I suck at symbolism and think extremely literally so what better way to say something to a woman with a Master’s degree in English Lit than to write it down? It won’t be a mush filled, romantic ode…that’s just not something I know how to do, but if you can’t tell how I feel about her by the end of this post, you’re probably a 24. So, let me tell you a little story… Continue reading

Oldie but a Goody

Yesterday’s post about the fish-containing fish struck a chord with Bruce, a former member of our KAF team. He began waxing all nostalgic and shit and recalled another great fish offering from one of the DFACs. He sent me this picture from way back in 2010:

I suspect it's a little under-done then.

Bottom Line

I can’t even imagine what they were actually trying to say.

“Took me 4 hours to bury the cat”
“4 hours to bury the cat?”
“Yeah…wouldn’t keep still. Wriggling about, howling”
“Well, it’s not dead then”
“No, we just don’t like it”
-Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion

An L of a Quote

L, our token Brit, was quotable today.

One the way to work first thing in the morning “Ready for my good news? I found someone to ship me seeds, nuts and prunes. I’ll be pooping good now*”.
Thanks for sharing L.

Talking about an upcoming meeting with some KAF bureaucrats. “I just want to be sure we’re all reading from the same page of the imaginary book”.

*Note: L pointed out that I hadn’t recorded her first quote accurately (hey, I was typing it on my IPod while driving so couldn’t get it all down without hitting the ditch). I’m afraid I ascribed more ladylike qualities to her than she actually possesses. Hence, “I’ll be regular as clockwork” has been amended to “I’ll be pooping good now” to more accurately reflect what she actually said. Luckily, she has a British accent so it still sounds classy and like something Queen Victoria might have said.

The Easter Turkey and Other Myths

Easter Sunday in KAF. Back home Easter means a four day weekend. Here all it means is a four day respite from answering emails from the corporate head office…and that beats the hell out of getting a chocolate rabbit any day. As D put it so poetically at breakfast this morning “The best part of holidays is the holiday part. Since we don’t get those here, fuck it”. Continue reading

Precisely What You Became Looking For!

The WordPress.com software that I use to write this blog comes with a built in spam filter. It works really well. I get a lot of spam comments on my blog and they go into a special folder and don’t get published unless I ok them…all other comments are posted immediately.

Well, it appears that people who fail English as a Second Language training are being snapped up by the spam industry as copy writers. Here’s a sampling of the awesome stuff they are producing (in italics): Continue reading

Keepin’ It Real

I get a lot of comments from people commiserating with me about the quality of the food over here in my little desert paradise and, yeah, it ain’t like eating at Le Caveau*. However, ya’ll gotta keep in mind that these DFACs have a hell of a hard job to do as I discussed in my very first post. I know, you’re thinking “Wahh, so they have to serve 30,000 people 3 meals a day in the middle of a desert during a war; is that any reason for Kafoodie to have to put up with tough roast beef or, gasp, under seasoned hummus?” I hear ya but we are all getting fed and pretty decently all things considered. I don’t think you’d find a post that says “The roast pork was ok and the potatoes were good” very entertaining so, of course, you hear much more about the icky stuff…that’s where the comedy gold lies.

*Shameless plug for the place my daughter, a budding chef, will be doing her internship this year.

Bottom Line

“Canada is a good country to be from. It has a gentler slower pace – it lends perspective.” – Paul Anka