We Are Not Amused…Well, OK, Maybe a Little

I came across several instances of people making odd or, dare I say it, dumb decisions over the last few days. Perhaps you’d think after almost 4 years in KAF that the seemingly endless bounds of human weirdness would no longer bother me. You’d be wrong.

These are the People in My Neighbourhood

Ugh…I live in a place where this sign is necessary.

I told you I’ve moved into a new building in which the occupants had acquitted themselves with such class that they were forbidden access to paper towels. Apparently, these scamps get up to more hijinks than just plugging up the toilets. Sure, I’d found evidence of the bottle pissers before so I knew it went on. But, I gotta ask these lazy fucks “Seriously? That’s the person you want to be? The one who pees in a bottle? What the fuck is wrong with you?”. And, while I applaud management for trying to crack down on these urine hoarders, I gotta think “Surely, they already knew that pissing in a bottle is not cool, right? Is there any hope of compliance from people who wouldn’t know that?”

I’ll just pick up my hook and go home.

While our new showers are less stinky than our old ones, there is one drawback: there’s nowhere to hang your towel or robe. When we last lived in this building, K put up a bunch of 3M Command removable hooks. Unfortunately, they were all stolen almost immediately. Oddly, the thieves left behind the mounts for the hooks. Why the hell would someone decide to steal a hook but not the mount? Is it wrong of me to assume they were stolen by bottle pissers? Lack of character often manifests itself in disparate ways, after all. So, I now keep a hook in my bathrobe pocket and put it up on the mount to hang my stuff on then take it off when I’m done. A functional yet rather sad procedure. Hook-stealing-bottle-pissing-toilet-clogging bastards, I wish you ill.

Right Said, Fred

I suspect supply is outstripping demand.

One of the millions of JustDFACSMaam readers, Fred, gave me a tip on an item for sale at the PX. I checked it out and there’s only a couple left so you’d better hurry. I’m sure the demand for plastic snorkel and mask sets is pretty fucking high in KAF…particularly the ever popular child-size. As Fred remarked “Only one possible place to be used…” Someone in the AAFES system had to order those things for KAF. Someone else had to unpack it and put it up on the shelf. I’m sure there were several more people involved in getting them all the way from the US for display in a PX in the middle of a war in the middle of a desert. How the fuck can there not be one goddamn person in that chain who thinks “Hey, wait a minute…this is stupid.”

57 Channels and Nothing’s On

Jesus Christ, dude…calm the fuck down

As usual, we went to the North Line for lunch. There are six TVs in there. They were all playing the same thing. It was some crazy ass megachurch preacher with a bunch of glassy eyed, arm waving zealots paying him rapt attention. Who the hell decided this was appropriate and not annoying? This being a facility in which US military folk are forced to eat, I thought this very well could be a violation of the first amendment. Since none of the armed US military people there seemed inclined to defend the US Constitution, (isn’t that, like, their job and stuff?) it was up to this one unarmed Canadian civie to do it on their behalf. Ok, perhaps it had more to do with my status as a smart-ass, born-again heathen coupled with my desire to watch the news rather than a principled statement in support of democratic ideals but I did get the DFAC supervisor to change the channel to CNN. He seemed to get a little chuckle out of my “I think maybe a news channel would be more appropriate than a crazy preacher. Not everyone in here is Christian” comment. To all my American readers: You’re welcome and when can I expect my Congressional Medal of Honour?

Bottom Line

If you’re in KAF and have to make a decision but you’re concerned you might be an idiot, drop me a line…I can help.

“There are no such things as curses; only people and their decisions” – Yvonne Wood