A Bone To Pick

Spotted just east of the Kandahar International Airport ramp today.

I’ve had a pleasant surprise and an unpleasant surprise over the last few days. But first, a picture of the completely unsurprising broken down Toyota Surf of the month (or perhaps week).

Changing my Tuna

I agreed to go out to Mamma Mia’s for pizza tonight right after J agreed to spot me $20 because, of course, the Kabul Bank ATM is only open when I’m not there. Oh, I did manage to find the bank itself open today but the ATM was closed. So, I walked in and asked the bank guy “Hey, I was here at 3:15 on both Tuesday and Thursday; when the heck are you open?” “We’re open 8 to 4, sir”, he answered ridiculously. “No, you’re not. So when is the bank machine open?” I inquired with a growing sense of futility. “It is open now but is out of money. We are getting more…in 15, 20 minutes maybe”. “Riiiiight, thanks”, I knowingly replied and left.

Anyhoo, back at Mamma Mia’s, we were directed to a table but as we sat down something was amiss. Where the hell did their comfortable chairs go? Our table and several others were furnished with cheap folding metal chairs. S, M and I wanted to change tables but J was adamant that we couldn’t because “we’re already sitting down”.
So we suffered rather than try to reason with J’s ample store of unreason.

It was good. No, really, it was.

The other guys went for the usual Supremes and Meat Lovers pizzas while I daringly ordered the Tuna and Onion because, as I explained to my perplexed dinner companions, “I have a blog to write”. Unfortunately, the Tuna and Onion pizza was really good. Ok, it wasn’t really a pizza…it was a flat round piece of dough covered with tuna and onion. It was really just the biggest damn tuna sandwich I’ve ever eaten. And I like tuna sandwiches. Despite my positive comments like “Dammit, I was hoping it would be really shitty so I could whine about it”, the closest anyone came to accepting my offer to try a piece was a muttered “I don’t fucking think so”.So yeah, I was a little disappointed that my dinner didn’t suck. So, next time I’m gonna get the St. Lucia pizza…it has a goddamn fried egg in the middle of it. That’s gotta be bad.

That’s it running horizontally just above the window.

Dinner at Mamma Mia’s is becoming a little unsettling and not just because of the gastric distress inducing near beer. There is a huge crack running the length of the front wall. Of course, this building is almost three years old and nothing lasts forever but what with the unskilled labour at cut-rate third world wages and locally supplied cement they used, you’d expect better quality, wouldn’t ya?

Chicken Bonerani

Where the hell is the rest of the chicken?

They had Chicken Biryani at the Lux tonight. It’s supposed to be a mix of rice and chicken in a curry sauce. I shoulda guessed something was up when I saw the sign on it that said “Contains Bones” but no sign that said “Contains Chicken”. I took this to mean it contained chicken on the bone. Cool, it satisfies the rules”, I naively thought. All I got in my heaping plate of rice was one chunk of neck bone. It wasn’t even plural.

Bottom Line

I’m unsure how to feel about my best meal of the week being a tuna and onion pizza.

“I love every bone in their heads.” – Eugene O’Neill

6 thoughts on “A Bone To Pick

  1. I hear Kandahar Pizza Deli has better pizza than Mamma Mia’s. I will be on KAF sometime around the 18th for a couple days (I am not looking forward to it), I am going to give it a try. As a long-time KAF resident, any tips for me?

    • I like Mamma Mia’s but have heard good things about the Pizza Deli too. I’ll have to try it and report….once I can get some cash. There used to be awesome baguettes at the old French PX (now called Downtown) and I hear they still have them…I recommend the smoked salmon.
      For breakfast I recommend the Northline if you’re on that side of the runway or the Cambridge on the south side. For dinner, I’d go to the Monti or IH one night then Cambridge or Lux the next just to get the varied menus.

    • You are soooo right, the Tuna Pizza is totally disgusting.I almost didn’t finish my ‘meat lovers’ pizza because of the smell of it at the table.

  2. My friend Keith once said “When I leave this place, I’m going to write a book… All the ways you can fuck up rice!” It doesn’t feel the same to anyone who hasn’t been there.

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