Foodstuffs and Dry Goods

Welcome to the Jungle

T got back into KAF today…which means I get to go on leave in a week. I gave him the normal handover brief but made sure to inform him of all the new rules we must obey now that we’ve changed accommodations. I’m heartened that he was not upset about the nose blowing and urination restrictions in our new place although the fact those rules have to be articulated seem to concern him. D said that he no longer wears his leatherman into the shower now that we’re not allowed to remove the shower heads. Welcome back, T!

Pants on Fire

I believe it was Mark Twain who said “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and KAF signs”…or something like that.

Nuh-Uh…Are not

There’s a lot of signs in our new quarters. The ones providing direction are fine…even if that direction seems a little unnecessary for anyone who doesn’t want cholera; however, one shouldn’t put up signs that are out and out lies. Unless what I saw was some sort of spectral apparition that would not be included in the collective pronoun “everybody”, I know the sign at right is untrue. While spreading this misinformation may encourage handshaking and thereby improve morale and camaraderie, I don’t think dysentery is a reasonable price to pay.

So I’ve been eating Kraft Linguini and Cheese all these years

We went to Monti tonight and, while I’ve given up on their menus ever being accurate, I had been trusting their other signage. They had a dish labelled Vegetable Linguini tonight Sorry, but in my haste not to hold up the line like an asshole, I cut off the relevant part of the sign when I snapped the pic; you’ll just have to believe me. The picture on top at left is a picture of linguini I got from Google. The one underneath is Monti’s dish. I’m no Italian linguist but that’s not linguini; that’s goddamn macaroni. Mixing up spaghetti and spaghettini…ok, I get that. But linguini and macaroni? And what the hell is the point of mislabeling it? Anyone who can’t tell the difference between macaroni and linguini won’t care which one comprises their dinner. Nor should they be working in a kitchen. BTW, the word linguini (or linguine) comes from the Italian word for tongue. If your tongue is shaped like macaroni, you’ve got bigger problems than a lack of pasta identification skills…I’d wager you couldn’t pronounce linguini much less recognize it.

A travesty!

The Monti also had some yellow rubbery stuff for dessert. Oddly, it was labeled vanilla pudding. Okay, this ain’t the British DFAC, this is an American one. Pudding in America is pretty much a thick liquid. It does not hold it’s shape when scooped out. Nor is it bright yellow. Has no one at the Monti ever had Jello pudding? Bill Cosby oughta come out here and kick their ass. However, to be fair, it made up for its complete lack of both vanillaness and puddingness with its overabundance of elasticity and vileness.DFAC vanilla pudding: I can definitely be a kid without it.

Whatever happened to…?

You Go Grrl!

Apparently the Spice Girls are now manufacturing rocket barriers in Afghanistan while still promoting Grrl Power. Mithras knows Afghanistan’s women could use some. Just thought you’d like to know.

Bottom Line

“An unexciting truth may be eclipsed by a thrilling lie.”-Aldous Huxley

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Foodstuffs and Dry Goods

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s