The Sky is Falling

"That's not right" I says to myself

The Rains are Coming!

I was sitting in my room about to write a scintillating account of the meal J and I had at Lux the night before when I got an email from COMKAF HQ advising that one of the roads is closed due to flooding. “Damn it”, I think, “How am I supposed to create beautiful prose with these constant interruptions?” But, being the dedicated cog in the military industrial complex that I am, I open my door to go tell our guys not to use the road in question and I see this.

Bear in mind that I had entered my room about 45 minutes earlier and that whole area had been bone dry. It wasn’t even raining! We’d had about a 1/2 hour long downpour earlier in the day so I guess it just took the water a few hours to decide that our compound was the perfect place to collect all the shit and debris. I know I often use the word “shit” as a metaphorical generic expletive but this time the literal interpretation is somewhat accurate as well. Anyway, here’s my day in pictures:

The good news is that we’re all now safely ensconced in what we hope will be our permanent quarters. We have no plans to rebuild on the flood plain (ya hear that Louisiana?). We’ll miss the village but it was nice while it lasted.

So, yeah, cut me slack for my tardiness with the bloody blog updates.

But First the Rockets

Back to the blog I was about to write when I was so rudely interrupted by a river of sludge.

Qu'elle Surprise!

J and I went to Lux for dinner. The menu was anything but innovative. Roast chicken…boy haven’t had that for at least 24 hours. Wow! There’s rice too! And, to add insult to injury, there’s goddamn lentil soup right there at the top. “Ugh, now I’ll have to listen to J sing the praises of lentils for 20 minutes” I mutter to myself.

I bravely got some rice and beef stroganoff with chicken as a backup in case the beef was as chewy as usual. With only chicken legs available it was easy to follow the rules although I’m pretty sure I spotted a chicken ass in there too. At J’s suggestion I also got some of the cabbage.

Well, eating it made me unhungry. That's good, right?

My first bite of the stroganoff was 1 part meat and 3 parts cartilage. I think I showed great restraint and class by stating “Oh fuck!” at only a conversational volume as I spit the offending piece of offal into my napkin. The rest of it was, surprisingly, made up of actual edible parts of the cow. The chicken, despite being a leg, was a little dry but tolerable. The sauteed cabbage tasted exactly like sauteed cabbage…no surprise there…but no gustatory pleasure either. Other than the cartilage, the meal was fullness inducing and utilitarian. Can’t ask for more than that…sigh…

A 10C dilution?

Aware of my disappointment in the hummus we had a few nights ago, J let me try some of the hummus he picked up for this meal. He said he thought  it was flavoured with lemon. “Flavoured”  is a pretty strong word to use in describing the barest hint of something this hummus tasted like. It was so tasteless that I can only assume it was some kind of homeopathic lemon hummus.

So good they have their own government webpage

While J was still chowing down on his massive, carbohydrateless plate of veggies and meat, I checked out the dessert table. I found these things called Eccles Cakes. You can read more than you’d ever want to know about Eccles Cakes here. Where I come from we call them turnovers. Those Brits seem to have a different word for everything! Where did those English learn to speak English, I wonder?


J, of course, had gotten a serving of the lentil soup and, in his mind at least, he was saving the best for last. I’d completely finished my dessert and he was just starting his soup when the rocket alarm started. The drill calls for everyone to immediately hit the floor and, essentially, cower. Fortunately, cowering is one of my fortes. J, demonstrating his unnatural fondness for lentils just couldn’t bring himself to abandon his soup. We were then stuck in the Lux for an hour waiting for the “All Clear” signal and watching some old movie with no sound. We amused ourselves by making up dialogue to match the lip movements. Surprisingly, injecting the words “poop” and “boobies” into our imagined movie soundtrack only kept us amused for about 45 minutes. I guess we’re growing up.

Bottom Line

The last couple of days sucked.

“One day when the sky is falling, Ill be standing right next to you…Right next to you” – Justin Bieber

6 thoughts on “The Sky is Falling

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