Well, it’s October 31st. Another Hallowe’en away from home. I can’t say I miss our poor dogs going nuts every time a trick or treater shows up at the door. Each time, they run barking to the door, see it’s a little kid and wag their tails, sniffing contentedly. You’d think after the first 5 or 10 kids, they’d detect a pattern and not act so goddamn surprised the next time the doorbell rang. One of our dogs is half boarder collie (supposedly the smartest breed) and one is a retired service dog for the disabled (another one you’d think would have a couple of clues to rub together). Oh, they’re smart enough to figure out a way to lick their own genitalia but Hallowe’en is beyond their ken for some reason.
Anyway, back to Hallowe’en in KAF. I dressed up as a mild manner defense contractor who can transform into his alter ego, Beige Man, without even getting changed. Lots of people copied me although the donut chomping, obese contractor variation was a neat twist chosen by several. Other popular costumes included Armyman, Perplexed Navy Guy Who’s Found Himself In a Land-Locked Desert, and Cool Aircrew Dude With a Porn Star Moustache Who Rolls Up The Sleeves Of His Flight Suit While Wearing Raybans.
I’m not sure what “corrosive sublimate” is but it made the sausages taste ok. They should use it more often.
The highlight of the night for me, however, was seeing the “homemade caramel apples” sign in the dessert area. They were actually “candy apples” but why quibble…the spelling was right at least. They looked delicious. The problems started when I tried to bite into one. The thin skewer they had used for a handle snapped off. Then I tried to bite into it. It was like trying to bite through glass…except that this glass (delicious as it was) immediately turned from a solid to fucking super glue upon contact with teeth. The results of my first aborted bite attempt are documented in the picture. I gamely tried again and managed to get some of the candy coating with the result being an inability to open my mouth. J found this extremely amusing and my telling him to “fug ah” only increased his mirth. I gave up. Misery loves company so I was delighted to see the Ukranian serviceman beside us go through a similar experience with his candy apple. There was no laughter at their end of the table, however. Both he and his companion maintained their Slavic reserve and dignity throughout the process. J could learn something from them.
I didn’t think Brits did Hallowe’en shit so was surprised to see this at the Cambridge. The food was just the regular fare renamed but anything that relieves the monotony of KAF life is welcome. Someone really should test drive the innovative things like candy apples…the coating was delicious but eating it was a harrowing experience.
“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” – Doug Coupland