At my insistence, M, M2, J and I went to the Niagara tonight. I felt we needed to mix it up a bit beyond the usual Lux, Cambridge, IH, and Monti which, as you may have surmised, are our regular dinner haunts. It’s not really popular with my team of culinary guinea pigs because it often has long lines and is too hot. Through sheer force of my personality and exceptional debating skills, I won them over and off we went, Niagara bound. Ok, the fact I was driving may have also influenced our ultimate destination.
The line up that reached just outside the door was seen as an ill omen by all. Even more distressing was the lemming-like attitude of people who stood waiting for one guy at the end tap to wash his hands while the remaining 7 or 9 taps were unused. Just walk by him and start washing your hands for fuck’s sake. I subtly encouraged J to do just that by shoving him in the back. I contend that this is not “butting in”, Your Honour. It is merely efficient use of resources. Here’s an artist’s rendition of the events:
The Niagara Shuffle
On the menu on the main steam line were steak and crab cakes. These lines, however, were so horrendously long that we all went for something else. Oh sure, I stood in one line hoping for a crab cake for a few minutes but the US Army dude ahead of me moved so slowly that people kept moving into the huge gap between him and the person ahead of him. While it pissed me off that they were effectively butting in, I really couldn’t blame them as Specialist Pokey ahead of me didn’t really look like he was in line. I gave up and got in the burger line instead as did M and M2. J went to the pasta line and got chili.
My burger with bacon and onion was only ok because the extremely dry bun detracted from the bacony yumminess. The chicken wings here were the breaded kind and very KFC-like…which is good if you only have one and bad if you have more. J reported the chili as KAF-good. Oh, and they had vinegar or at least a seemingly closely related condiment.
You’ll note that there is no salad on my tray. I freely admit that I’m not a big vegetable eater but I have been making an effort to have some with every meal. Tonight, contrary to what may be assumed, getting vegetables would have been very bad for my heart. As I went over to the salad bar, Specialist Pokey’s comrades-in-arms, Sgt. Testudines and Private Lentissimo were there. My blood pressure began to spike as I waited for them to
get the fuck out of my way amble along. Why does almost everyone at the Niagara walk so damn slowly? And does it really take 30 seconds of staring perplexedly at the salad bar to decide if you want any cucumber?
And it was goddamn hot in there even though today was a mild 39C.
J was right and I was wrong (ya happy J? Can ya give it a rest now?). While Niagara food is decent, the lines are too long, the people too slow and the temperature too hot. It’s now on my do-not-eat list.
“He went, ever on the move, with the slow, shuffling step of wandering beggars who are nowhere at home.”- Stijn Streuvels