Off we went to the Monti for dinner tonight. I checked to see if the duty menu was maintaining its post outside. I was amazed to discover that a new menu was in its place. “Holy shit”, I thought, “this menu must be accurate…why the hell else would they change it?”Then I thought “Don’t be a fucking moron, this is the Monti, they’re playing you, man”. So, I got inside and, sure enough, there wasn’t a bit of New England boiled dinner to be had…and thank god for that, that stuff is rank. Nor was there any succotash, suffering or otherwise. There were breaded pork chops and Mongolian stir fry instead.
I really can’t fathom why they bothered to change the menu from one that is wrong to another that is wrong. Perhaps the spaghetti duty menu’s 6 month tour was over. As I bitched about this seeming ridiculousness, J chose to look on the bright side. He said that boiled dinner and fish are closer to chops and stir fry than spaghetti is to the roast chicken and brisket that was on that night. Tonight, all the offerings were proteins while on the previous occasion, a starch was advertised but proteins were offered. “They’re getting better” he cheerfully opined. I, less than cheerfully, told him he was full of shit.
Not enamoured of any of the main course offerings, I chose a couple of meat balls, a turkey wing (a reliable standby) and an egg roll (a less reliable standby) along with some salads. I don’t know about you but I just can’t resist a Fruole Salad! I bet you ignorami don’t even know what a Fruole Salad is, do you? Know why you don’t know? Because the name is fucking made up, that’s why! The DFAC folks mixed together some shredded cabbage, kidney beans and cucumber and decided, appropos of nothing, to call in a Fruole Salad. I wish they’d realize they can’t just make up words like that, it’s inconplatable!
Anyway, being dressing-less as it was, my Fruole Salad had about as much flavour as cabbage, beans and cucumber working diligently together can muster. On a binary scale of one to ten, I’d give it an 11.
There was also a “Mexican Salad”. Basically a regular coleslaw with the added pizzazz of a sign saying “Mexican Salad” above it. The best part of my salad plate was the stuff I just heaped on top of each other.
J had the Mongolian stir-fry. He said the pork was so tough as to be “unbiteable” and pushed it to side of his plate. He later commented that the stir fry was “pretty good”. So, just to recap, J has been here long enough to rate something as “pretty good” even if a significant proportion of it is inedible. Huh.
You may recall from my last post that I was overjoyed to see the little bottle of vinegar they’d put out on the condiment table just a few days ago. Well, it’s been absconded with. The good news is the big jug remains along with the quizzical, slightly mocking stares of the Americans as the vinegar slops onto my fries in a torrent.
“Go Ahead, I’ll Just Have The Cherry Pie You Thieving Bastard”
At the dessert table tonight there were six cherry pies. As I was about to resignedly grab a piece, J and I both noticed a solitary piece of apple pie sitting forlornly in it’s foil plate. We both moved towards it but J’s time spent on the treadmill paid off and he got there first, evilly chortling as he put it on his plate. Why the hell can’t they put out more apple and less cherry for those of us who have far more important things to do than go to the gym? They put out some more later as I discovered when M2 came back with a piece but who’s got the energy for two trips to the dessert table?
The Bottom Line
Don’t eat dinner with fit people.
“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”-Steven Wright