Kandyhar

In my previous post, I mentioned A’s new healthy eating regime. Today I’d like to look at the other side of the coin…junk food. There are two reasons I and, I suspect, many others, tend to often eat unhealthy crap in KAF: we’re either too busy for proper meals or so “unbusy” we snack to relieve the boredom. Which pretty much gives me an excuse to satiate my gluttony any day of the week.

When I first got here back in 2008 we had very little time to set up a pretty complex capability with very few people, all of whom were new to the company. As we reminisced about these bad old days, D said ” I bet you thought that when the technicians showed up we’d know what the hell we were doing”. Well, we eventually figured it all out and our customers were really impressed but it was long, tough road of 16-20 hour days during which time none of us had much time for proper meals.

Twisty Goodness

There was one day when I ate nothing except Twizzlers and Mountain Dew. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I love Strawberry Twizzlers. I know, they don’t taste anything like real strawberries but, in my opinion, that is a problem with real strawberries. I wish they tasted like Twizzlers. And the Mountain Dew was the American stuff so it had loads of caffeine which is just what I needed to turbo boost my sugar high. Until March 2010, the Canadian politburo didn’t allow clear soft drinks to have caffeine. They believed it lead to gun ownership and privatized health care or some such.

Just as Canada was relaxing its oversight of people’s food choices, Gen McChrsytal was tightening his. As anyone who was in KAF at the time will recall, he ordered all the U.S. sponsored fast food joints to shut down. Thankfully, the PX was unaffected. This saw the demise of Burger King, Pizza Hut and that horribly unhealthy Subway (Was Jared lying all these years?). Like all decisions Generals make, this one was incredibly effective…provided the goal was to open up opportunities for entrepreneurs from other countries. We’ve now got a sub shop, a burger joint, and that paragon of healthy eating KFC. And, of course, Tim Horton’s, being a Canadian sponsored enterprise happily continued to sell boxes upon boxes of deep fried sugary goodness throughout the turmoil.

Speaking of KFC, have you ever noticed that after you eat 2 or 3 pieces, you start to ooze grease from your pores? Sure, that’s gross, but even worse is that they’re serving this to people who are walking around in 50C temperatures. That’s dangerous. You could deep fry for chrissakes!

Bacon, eggs and coffee-KAF Style

So, for those of you that are too busy to eat a proper meal, I’ll give you recipe for my KAF cuisine version of a traditional breakfast. I had to hurry into work one morning (as if one can hurry at 20 kmh) and had no time for breakfast. Luckily, I’d made a snack stop at the PX the day before and had also just received a care package from my lovely wife. Rather than bacon, eggs and coffee, I scarfed down pork rinds, pickled eggs and diet coke as I drove to work. It’s got the pig, the ova and the caffeine…what more could you want?

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8 thoughts on “Kandyhar

  1. Ummm… Wow. Salt, salt, and salt. While I’m so thankful and grateful for all of you there, I’m pretty thankful I’m not. I couldn’t survive eating like that!
    Good luck surviving the food and everything else.
    Do you think that skewered camel spiders would be a meatier and less fatty option than skewered chicken @$$?

    • I was about to thank you for your concern and act all martyr-like in having to survive this hell of junk food…but then I saw my wife’s comment below and realized the jig is up.
      Oh, and you can type “ass” or anything else you like in the comments. I don’t censor or filter at all (except spam).

      • Yeah A,

        I didn’t even get into the between meal supplements the Canadian military folks shared with us. Pop Tarts, with their space-agey yet plasticky goodness and individually packaged, sliced spam…the greatest thing FOR sliced bread.

  2. What’s funny is tha you’re trying to pretend this is some sort of wartime diet, KAF-specific. You eat like that at home too!!
    Love you, please don’t overdo the salt!
    XO

  3. But I like to spell it @$$. I feel less guilty that way!!
    As for SPAM, I remember as a teen slicing it fairly thinly and frying it until the edges were crispy, then having that in a sandwich. Another nasty thing we used to make after school was fry bacon and then have it in toasted peanut butter sandwiches, OR serve it on grill cheese with cream of mushroom soup sandwiches (yes, mushroom soup spread onto bread right out of the can. Add sliced cheese and cooked bacon, and grill it. Salty!

  4. Right now I’m at ECHOS (may I suggest a review of their Friday night rib special?) laughing out loud. Which is fine, but people tend to stare when you’re laughing by yourself. Oh boy… really? Pork skins? I thought I was the only Canadian that tried those. Once. Still, I think it’ll be a hit in Newfoundland. Would go well with toutons or a nice after-jigs-dinner snack.

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